No One Has Ever Truly Understood You. And No One Ever Will.

What if I told you that the deepest human desire is not love, or it is not happiness or success, but to be understood? Think about it. Why does criticism hurt so much? Why do people spend hours explaining themselves after an argument? Why does the sentence "You do not understand me" may exist in every language? You see, for me, this tells something far deeper. Humans do not simply want communication. They want another mind to confirm that they are real. And that is where one of humanity's greatest tragedies begin.

You see, there is a question that I kept asking many times. You know, even in initial stages, I used to wonder why is it that all of us want to be understood. My mom wants to be understood. My brother wants to be understood. My cousins, families, everyone wants to be understood. Even husband and wife still struggling to be understood by each other. Why do human beings want to be understood in the first place? Even me, initially, I wanted gods and goddesses to appear and things like that, and in my eyes, those are all such unwanted things. Most of spirituality is just stupidity.

For a long time, you know, I believed it was because understanding creates love, right? We all thought that. Then I thought perhaps understanding creates connection. Then later I wondered whether understanding simply makes life easier. But the more I observed people, the less convinced I became on this. You see, for me, the desire to be understood has very little to do with communication. It has everything to do with existence itself. I've seen people who are praised by millions still complain that nobody truly understands them. And I've seen children or my own age people surrounded by caring friends and caring family but believe that nobody has known them exactly as they are. And also, I've seen lovers spend years explaining themselves to one another only to come to a conclusion that they never really understood each other. That is the strange part.

If understanding were merely about exchanging information, then a dictionary would be the happiest creature alive, right? Every word would already have a definition. Every sentence would already have a meaning. Yet human beings continue to suffer. Why? Because what they seek is not information. They seek confirmation. That is the thing. They want another mind to look at them and say, "You are real, and I understand you." That is a terrifying need. Because the moment my reality depends upon another person's understanding, I have handed them the authority to decide whether I exist as I believe I do. Are you seeing what I'm seeing? For me, that is where the tragedy begins actually.

Imagine a mirror. A mirror reflects whatever stands before it. It does not judge. It does not misunderstand and things like that. It simply reflects. Now imagine replacing that mirror with a human mind. Immediately the reflection changes. Every person carries different memories, different set of fears, and different expectations, and different wounds too. The same sentence sounds comforting to one person and it might sound insulting to another. The same quietness or silence feels peaceful to one and terrifying to another. I feel so quiet at peace, and I sit quietly, but my mom and brother can't sit quietly for 10 minutes. They immediately want phone or they want something. So the same smile appears genuine to some people and manipulative to someone else.

So what exactly am I asking when I say, "Please understand me"? What exactly are we all asking? I'm asking that another imperfect mind to reproduce my private world perfectly. It is an impossible request. No two people have ever lived the same life. No two nervous systems have stored the same memories. No two minds have arranged the reality in identical waves. It is important to understand that you are the self-aware reality which is the substratum of all. Not all these silly petty things of understanding, drama, mind and spirituality, gurus, ashrams and things like that. You are like the king and queen who has the entire kingdom by your side but beg for a few spirituality which is nothing but coins that are fallen down on the roads of your kingdom. See that you are the origin of all origins, and it is very easy. It only requires you to see the truth as it is, not decorated with your false assumptions and things like that.

Then why do we continue asking for complete understanding? Because I think something inside us cannot tolerate being invisible. You see, for me, invisibility is also one of the deepest human fears. Death is frightening, of course, but loneliness is more painful than death. For many people, failure hurts. I understand. But invisibility eats us like a parasite from within. You know, I've been in one organization, and they, if the leader of the organization does not look at you, that fellow's life is miserable; now the entire day is gone. That fellow spends his time thinking, "Why did he not look at me? I have committed a sin, and something I have done," and things like that. So are you seeing? We are okay to meet and chat with God of death, but we are not okay if people misunderstand us or do not understand us. We feel like it is invisibility. So to be invisible means that my joy exists only inside me. My suffering exists only inside me. My dream exists only inside me. So if nobody truly sees them, they begin to feel unreal.

So what do we do? We search for witnesses. Not because reality changes and things like that, but because our confidence in reality changes. That is why people constantly explain themselves. They explain why they were angry, why they cried, why they left, why they stayed, why they follow certain guru or not this guru and all the blah blah blah stuff, or why they chose one career instead of another, or why they love, why they hate, why they failed. Every explanation carries the same thing: that please tell me that I make sense. Right? We all want to make sense.

The thing is that when someone misunderstands me or you, for that matter, we rarely become angry because they received incorrect information. We become angry because we feel arrested. It feels like as if the person has replaced our story with another version. And suddenly we begin fighting not for the truth but for identity. This happens everywhere: in families, in friendship, in marriages, and even on the internet. Even in politics, everyone repeats the same sentences in different words. "That is not what I meant. This is what I meant," and things like that. It is almost funny. Billions of people all speaking different languages, carrying different labels, living different lives. Yet every one of them keeps saying exactly the same thing: "You do not understand me." Perhaps this is the most universal sentence humanity has ever spoken.

For me, this tells something very deeper and absurd. Human beings spend their lives inside a mind that nobody else can enter. Not even for one second, not even for one moment. Not even the closest companion can directly experience another person's thought. Everything must travel through imperfect syllables: words, expressions, gestures, art, music, writing, and all the things. But symbols are not experiences. If I describe fire, nobody feels heat. If I describe grief, nobody loses the person I lost. If I describe fear, nobody's heart becomes mine. Right? Experience never leaves the one experiencing it. Language merely circles around it. It never captures it completely. That is why misunderstanding is not an accident. It is the natural condition of being human.

But are you human? No. You are the absolute, unblemished, purely, ridiculously, absurdly the self-aware reality on which the entire drama of life is existing. You are the origin of all origins. Yet what we do? We beg for silly, petty human understandings and things like that.

Communication is simply our continuous attempt to reduce the distance between two isolated minds. The tragedy is that the distance never disappears. You see, it is important to see who you truly are and not simply get into all these detailings.